An often-overlooked relationship is the one we have with our finances. As we celebrate the month of love, reflect on whether the relationship you have with your finances supports your long-term goals, or if a shift in that relationship is needed.
When you think about your finances, what’s the first feeling that comes to mind? Is it confidence? Indifference? Or perhaps anxiety? Like any relationship, your relationship with money requires consistent effort and care if you want it to be a fulfilling one. It’s also a malleable relationship, meaning that even if you feel overwhelmed by financial stress or detached from your goals right now, you can always change it to one that makes you feel confident about your financial future.
First, understand your relationship with money was probably determined early on in life, maybe before you even understood the concept of money. This could be when you were a child seeing your parents or caregivers anxiously struggling to make ends meet, or seeing them spend money without considering long-term goals, etc. With that in mind, here’s how three different childhood “attachment” styles used in psychology may manifest in present-day financial behaviors:
Anxious
Anxious attachment is characterized by a fear of abandonment and rejection. These individuals probably had inconsistent caregivers who were sometimes there and sometimes not. This made it hard for them to trust when things were good that the other shoe wouldn’t soon drop. When applied to finances, this could manifest as someone feeling overwhelmed, constantly worried that anything and everything could derail the progress they’ve made. These individuals often lack confidence in their ability to achieve their financial goals, even when all evidence suggests otherwise. Consumed by worry, they may find themselves paralyzed, unable to make the decisions necessary to reach their goals.
Avoidant
An avoidant attachment style involves a fear of closeness and difficulty trusting others as trusting others involved consistent disappointment in their earlier life. If someone has an avoidant style when it comes to their relationship with money, they may detach themselves from financial planning and long-term goals. If they avoid making goals, then there’s no fear of failure, but there will also never be any progress. These individuals might procrastinate, downplay the importance of financial milestones, or dismiss the need for accountability, all as a means of maintaining control while avoiding the potential disappointment that comes with falling short of their goals.
Secure
Finally, a secure attachment style enables an individual to feel safety, stability, and trust in close relationships. These are the people who had caregivers who offered affection when needed, encouraged independence, and were consistent. In the context of finances, someone with this attachment style approaches their goals with confidence. They trust their ability to make decisions that support their goals. They’re able to be present, engaged, and adaptable as circumstances change without feeling overwhelmed. Rather than fixating on the possibility of failure, they focus on success and the steps needed to achieve it.
Cultivating a Secure Attachment Style
To cultivate a more secure attachment with your finances, think about what the behaviors of someone with a secure attachment might be. Some things you may want to consider:
- General Financial Wellness: This includes having a monthly budget, an emergency fund, and a robust savings account. Don’t let this first part overwhelm you, break it down into smaller, manageable steps and turn each one into its own goal!
- Maintain Financial Awareness: It’s so easy to check out financially. Push back the resistance that makes you want to check out, and keep track of bill increases, unnecessary purchases, and anything else that can burn a hole through your wallet.
- Set Goals: Know what you want to accomplish. If you neglect to define your goals you will never achieve them.
- Protect Yourself and Your Family: While preparing for the unexpected can be difficult, having a plan in place can help you face these challenges without feeling overwhelmed or shut down. For this, you may want to consider a life insurance policy that works for you and your family. Having a will and/or estate plan can also help give you peace of mind about your loved ones.
- Know Your Triggers: If your attachment style leans anxious or avoidant, understand what triggers that attachment style. For example, if receiving a bill is the trigger, how can you address that? Maybe you can enroll in automatic payments, or maybe set aside time every so many days to go over your bills, or maybe something entirely different altogether.
- Seek Help: Changing your attachment style is no small task, but you don’t have to do it alone! Partnering with an experienced financial advisor can make the process more manageable and less overwhelming.
If you need help navigating your financial attachment style or want guidance on maintaining a secure mindset, we’re here to help! Call Prime Financial Charleston at (843) 743-2926!